Re-posted from Gloria Lemay Birth Blog
After the Birth, what a family needs Posted on October 28, 2008 by gloria This is a cross-post of a cross post originally posted in 2001, but you know what? It's still relevant. I've changed the language so that it's more inclusive of the varieties of family structure and added a few more of my own needs at the end. Did I forget anything? What did you really need when your baby came home? “Let me know if I can help you in any way when the baby is born.” … “Just let me know if you need a hand.” … “Anything I can do, just give me a call.” Most pregnant women get these statements from friends and family but shy away from making requests when they are up to their ears in dirty laundry, unmade beds, dust bunnies and counter tops crowded with dirty dishes. The myth of “I’m fine, I’m doing great, new motherhood is wonderful, I can cope and my partner is the Rock of Gibraltar” is pervasive in postpartum land. If you’re too shy to ask for help and make straight requests of people, I suggest sending the following list out to your friends and family. These are the things I have found to be missing in every house with a new baby. It’s actually easy and fun for outsiders to remedy these problems for the new parents but there seems to be a lot of confusion about what’s wanted and needed… 1. Buy us toilet paper, milk and beautiful whole grain bread. 2. Buy us a new garbage can with a swing top lid and 6 pairs of black cotton underpants (women’s size____). 3. Make us a big supper salad with feta cheese, black Kalamata olives, toasted almonds, organic green crispy things and a nice homemade dressing on the side. Drop it off and leave right away. Or, buy us frozen lasagna, garlic bread, a bag of salad, a big jug of juice, and maybe some cookies to have for dessert. Drop it off and leave right away. 4. Come over about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then fold all the piles of laundry that have been dumped on the couch, beds or in the room corners. If there’s no laundry to fold yet, do some. 5. Come over at l0 a.m., make me eggs, toast and a 1/2 grapefruit. Clean my fridge and throw out everything you are in doubt about. Don’t ask me about anything; just use your best judgment. 6. Put a sign on my door saying “Dear Friends and Family, Mom and baby need extra rest right now. Please come back in 7 days but phone first. All donations of casserole dinners would be most welcome. Thank you for caring about this family.” 7. Come over in your work clothes and vacuum and dust my house and then leave quietly. It’s tiring for me to chat and have tea with visitors but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to clean, organized space. 8. Take my older kids for a really fun-filled afternoon to a park, zoo or Science World and feed them healthy food. 9. Come over and give my partner a two hour break so they can go to a coffee shop, pub, hockey rink or some other r & r that will delight them. Fold more laundry. 10. Make me a giant pot of vegetable soup and clean the kitchen completely afterwards. Take a big garbage bag and empty every trash basket in the house and reline with fresh bags. Kavanah Doula Edits 11. Bring some groceries and put them away where you think they should go. 12. Change the cat litter boxes, walk the dog, feed the turtle. Be sure to give our animals a little extra love. 13. Go into our bathroom and make sure there's toilet paper and fresh towels 14. These are the kindnesses that new families remember and appreciate forever. It’s easy to spend money on gifts but the things that really make a difference are the services for the body and soul described above. Most of your friends and family members don’t know what they can do that won’t be an intrusion. They also can’t devote 40 hours to supporting you but they would be thrilled to devote 4 hours. If you let 10 people help you out for 4 hours, you will have the 40 hours of rested, adult support you really need with a newborn in the house. There’s magic in the little prayer “I need help.” First posted online August 2001
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This morning one of my Mamas wrote a FB airing her 8 months of pregnancy grievances. Hot NYC weather, inability to roll over in bed or touch her toes which have swollen into little vienna sausages. Inspired by her, I've put together the following informational sheet about swollen feet and natural remedies. I've also been inspired to create either a foot soak or a foot massage oil for my Etsy shop. Stay tuned! What causes swelling in pregnancy? Swelling (oedema) is triggered by increased pressure in the veins of your legs, and by pressure from your growing baby on the big veins in your groin. Water retention adds to the problem. Swelling is common. About half of all pregnant women experience swelling around their ankles, particularly in the last few months of pregnancy. You may find your fingers, face and lower back become swollen too. The swelling in your legs usually gets worse as the day progresses, especially if you are on your feet a lot. Gravity makes the fluid build at the lowest point. Hot weather and being tired can also make swelling worse. You'll probably have oedema in your feet and ankles, and in both legs. Call your doctor or midwife if the swelling: • Moves up your calf and leaves an indentation when pressed, or is sudden or severe in your face, hands or feet. If this happens in your third trimester, it could mean that you have pre-eclampsia. • Occurs only in one leg, particularly if your calf is red, tender and lumpy. These can be symptoms of a blood clot in your vein (thrombosis). If your wrists and hand are swollen, you may have carpal tunnel syndrome, which is when the swelling compresses the channel of nerves running up your arm. Your swelling is likely to become temporarily worse in the first three or four days after your baby's birth. As your body recovers after birth, all the extra tissue, blood vessels and fluid needed during pregnancy now need to be dissolved and expelled. This makes you pee a lot more, though your kidneys won't yet be able to cope with the extra fluid. Some of the fluid will build up in the tissues around your body until it can be passed out of your body. How can I prevent swelling? It may not be possible to prevent some swelling from developing. But you can prevent it from becoming severe. Severe swelling can make your legs painful and your skin tender. Try to eat a balanced diet so that you put on a healthy amount of weight during pregnancy. Your diet should include a small amount of lean protein such as meat, poultry, eggs, beans and pulses, with each meal. Eat at least five portions of fruit and vegetables every day. Aim to reduce how much salt, sugar and fat you have and drink plenty of water to help your kidneys to filter the excess fluid. Some foods may help to maintain good kidney function and make you pee more (natural diuretics). These include celery, watercress, parsley (in small amounts), apples and citrus fruits. Onions and garlic may help to improve your circulation. Try to avoid eating pre-packaged, highly processed foods that contain both salt and other additives, as these can make fluid retention worse. Opt for foods which are naturally rich in vitamins C and E. Good sources of vitamin C include: • Citrus fruits • Melons • Potatoes • Tomatoes • Dark leafy greens (Kale, Collards, Spinach) • Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts • Kiwi fruit • Papayas • Strawberries • Bell Peppers • Papaya Foods rich in vitamin E include: • Sunflower seeds • Wheatgerm • Sweetcorn • Cashews and almonds • Leafy Greens-kale, spinach, mustard greens • Swiss Chard • Broccoli • Olive Oil • Papaya • Kiwi • Bell Peppers • Asparagus Smoking may contribute to your swelling, which is another good reason to quit during pregnancy. What tips can I try to ease swelling? Rest as much as possible, putting your feet up above your hips by resting them on a stool. Try not to cross your legs, as this restricts your blood flow. Sit down when you can, and if your work involves standing for long periods of time, move about from one foot to the other to increase blood flow. Ask your partner to massage your feet and legs gently, using both hands and working upwards from feet to knees, using a base oil such as grapeseed. However, if your legs are excessively swollen and the skin is very tight, this may be too painful for you. Dandelion tea, an herbal remedy, may help to prevent fluid retention, but don't take this if you have a gall bladder condition. Always drink herbal teas in moderation during pregnancy. Which complementary therapies could help? Acupuncture may help. The theory is that it rebalances your internal energies and aids your circulation and kidney function. Osteopathy and chiropractic treat misalignments in your skeleton, which may be placing stress and tension on specific areas of your body, restricting your blood flow. Foot massage may help to relieve your swollen ankles, and reflexology may ease swelling and the discomfort it causes. Choose a registered reflexologist who is qualified and insured to treat pregnant women. http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a549316/swelling-natural-remedies#ixzz2dCHN3ioN Soothing tired, sore, achy feet can easily be relieved by using carefully selected aromatherapy oils in a footbath or as massage oil. Best of all, these oils will provide you with an instant pick-me-up leaving you feeling invigorated and refreshed. Pure essential oils such as Litsea cubeba and Grapefruit (Citrus paradise) have excellent anti-inflammatory and calming properties and also treat swelling water retention, fatigue and insomnia. In addition, Ginger essential oil acts as a pain, eases aches and cramps also improves circulation. Cypress oil is particularly good for circulation and varicose veins. Lavender and chamomile oil may ease your discomfort and make you feel more relaxed. Tips to Help Soothe Swollen Feet There are a number of things that you can do to ease swollen feet during pregnancy and prevent further foot problems and these include: • Take short breaks during the day and elevate your feet to relieve the pressure • Stretch and flex your feet when you are sitting down • Wear shoes that fit properly and avoid wearing high-heeled or tight shoes while you are pregnancy as they will constrict circulation • Exercise regularly to ensure optimum health – practice walking every day • Shop for shoes towards the end of the day as feet tend to swell as the day progresses • Measure your feet often throughout your pregnancy as they will change in size • If you suffer from over-pronation, use custom-made inserts in your shoes • Wear compression hosiery to keep the pressure from fluids down • Wear seamless socks that do not constrict circulation • Eat healthy, well balanced meals and avoid foods high in salt that can cause water retention • Drink plenty of water to keep the body hydrated, reduce swelling and improve circulation • Have a relaxing foot massage to soothe swollen feet and stimulate circulation • Soaking your feet in tonic water can help relieve swelling Water Retention Massage Oil- safe throughout pregnancy to help reduce swelling 2½ tablespoons almond or coconut oil ½ tablespoon jojoba oil 1 Evening Primrose oil capsule (approx. 10 drops) 2 drops tangerine oil 1 drop lemon oil 4 drops cypress oil 4 drops lavender oil 3 drops geranium oil This can be used throughout the pregnancy. Just relax on the sofa, with your legs raised on pillows. Apply this aromatic massage oil to your feet, ankles and legs, massaging toward your heart to help circulation. (The help of your partner would certainly be appreciated.) Recipe from Young Living Oil website Yes!
I get this question all of the time and I would honestly say that the answer is definitely, yes, you would still benefit by having a doula at your birth. While it's true that you'll have the "hang of it" second time around, no two births are alike. You'll know the difference between a contraction and a cramp. You'll know when you're in active labor and if you've given birth vaginally, you'll know what those sensations feel like. But, you're not guaranteed to have the same exact birth you had round two, three or four. A doula's function for second (and third and fourth) births definitely shifts a bit, and perhaps on baby #2 a doula is more of a want rather than a need. That said, sometimes you do need a support person who will be by your side throughout the entire process. Your partner may need another person to help hold you while they catch some zzz's, grab a bite to eat, or pee. You may be faced with interventions that you didn't encounter the first time around and you'll need someone in your corner who is clear-headed and can explain things that can, in the heights of labor, seem scary and foreign. Not to mention that your OB or midwife may be different the second time around or perhaps you're birthing in a different hospital or birthing center than you did at your first birth. Lastly, the benefits of having a doula don't go away after the first birth. Having a doula still decreases your the likelihood have having an unplanned c-section and increases the likelihood that you have delayed cord clamping, immediate skin-to-skin with your newborn, higher nursing rates and all of the other proven feel goods that having a doula brings. |
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AuthorHi there! I'm Erika Davis and I'm a doula working in the Seattle and South Puget Sound area. Archives
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